Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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