I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
