i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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