Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize