am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
