Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize
