i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
