idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
