I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
