I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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