I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
