i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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