i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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