sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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