I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
