i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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