Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
