There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
