if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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