Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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