Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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