ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize