Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
