you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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