At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
