I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
