I want to have your abortion
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
