also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
