I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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