watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
