Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize