just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
