you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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