perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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