Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
