If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
