Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
