I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
