"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
