The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
