just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize