yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
