This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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