and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
