I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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