i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
