Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My vagina is very pro this idea
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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