you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
