It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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