If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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