Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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