dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
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i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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