During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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