Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
