he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
