I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
