When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
