remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
