I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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