Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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