She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
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When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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