The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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