do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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