you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
