We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
