So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
