Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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