I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
