my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
