I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
