i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
