Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize