was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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