Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
