So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
