I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
