We're like a lot better than the average bears
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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