Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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