it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize