she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
