If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
