i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
