he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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